Wednesday, 16 November 2016

The Observation


It is week 13 here at Qiannan Normal University and I have been teaching since Week 5. The Freshmen have something called Freshman training in the first four weeks of their university career and although I don’t know what this training entails exactly (reminding them to do the bloody work I imagine) it meant that my services were not required for the early weeks of the semester. This was just as well, I might add, for anyone who has followed my adventures will know that I arrived in China a day short of a month late due to good old beaurocratic Visa applications. So half way through this week, my ninth week of teaching, my usual schedule of talking slowly and performing a combination of taboo, Pictionary and my stand-up comedy routine to convey meaning was interrupted by an official observation from most of the English teachers in the Foreign Languages department. My boss Stone and his office-mate Li were there along with the Dean, Darren and his boss Young Sir. Rounding up the total of these four to an even fifteen were the rest of my co-workers. Gulp.

I haven’t been particularly diligent with this blog, not wanting to fill it too quickly and not wanting to write any stories that didn’t yet have a meaningful ending but I have been typing away behind the scenes so I’ll fill you in on the necessary details. My education in teaching was an online TEFL course taken in the week following the submission of my final piece of university course work. This was supposed to be supplemented with two weeks’ worth of intensive training in Beijing with lectures, survival Mandarin lessons and, most importantly in-class teaching experience. I came to China with none of this. Before the flight I wasn’t really worried at all about coming here because of the being-away-from-home side of things. I knew Callum would be here and I had spoken to Darren on Skype who had put my mind at ease about how nice the faculty would be. I had spent three and a half weeks in Japan the previous Summer which had been easier than taking a trip to Glasgow (partially because we had our friend Aaron there to navigate for us, but also because I am a big boy now.) No, what really worried me was the thought of standing in that room on the first day, saying something and receiving nothing back but blank stares.

What would I do if I couldn’t engage the students or if they simply couldn’t understand a word I said? I was equally terrified by both extremes. On the one hand, memories of my stint in a high school when I sat in on a maths class who barely listened to a word the teacher said for 40 minutes abides with me. Pure anarchy reigned and the teacher barely made herself heard over the racket. It was a horror show. On the other hand, I worried about standing in front of a class which refused to move, or speak, or do anything I asked of them. A class who just staring at me. Until the end of time. I had been in one of these towards the end of my time in university and shamefully it was me doing the staring. What if they saw beneath my thin veneer of authority? What if I, Stephen the Emperor revealed my lack of clothing and I was a laughing case? What if they threw things at me or spat at me and called me foreigner? What? It could happen, you don’t know.

In a way I was right to be worried because my first class was abominable. I wanted to ease them in, let them get to know me and see a few pictures of Scotland. I wanted to play a little music (hey, it’s a listening class) and have a little conversation. Everything went wrong, the technology didn't cooperate, I forgot things that I was meant to say and apparently I was teaching a class full of girls carved from stone. If I asked one a question she would giggle and refuse to say anything. I had set up conversation activities. They were supposed to talk to each other in English and ask a few questions to each other but they didn’t! They wrote out their answers on paper instead. I set aside time for them to ask me questions, to share our culture, but I got nothing! It was horrifying.



So, we’ll skip ahead to week 13. On Monday night I received two texts from Li (lovely woman, made Aimee porridge in hospital and helped us with our phone cards.) The first read;
… BTW, we are going to have the class observation at your tomorrow’s class (16:50 – 17:00). Please be ready for that~
I gazed at this, briefly taking a moment to pick my stomach off the floor. I read the second text.
If u need to ask anything or check sth (an abbreviation for “something that I’ve never seen in the West but regularly see in China) for this, feel free to ask me in case there’d some cultural confusion about what we do here.
I had known for a while that these inspections might be coming. For a while Callum and I thought, because of words heard through the grapevine, that our performances were not reaching a satisfactory level. Some well-placed words from the loyal foreign teachers appeared to have assuaged these suspicions about me but we all thought that Callum was going to be observed at some point last week. He hadn't been. I believed I was in the clear so it was a shock to see that I would be the first to receive a visit from our employers.

I told Li that I hoped I wasn’t in trouble and asked whether I needed to prepare anything. She said it was quite standard and that I should fill in a lesson plan form. I had never seen one of these before and so she sent me the outline via WeChat (it’s a standard experience in China to only be informed of something just before you absolutely need to know it.) 

Despite now knowing exactly what I needed to do I was still wracked with nerves during that evening and in the day leading up to my class. I stopped by Li's office two hours early to pick up a physical copy of the form. How many people will be there? I asked tentatively. Oh, Stone and… I don’t know their English names. Four or five people. Whoever isn’t teaching. The stomach took a dive again. It feels like I’ve been thrown a curve ball in this job, every time I start to feel comfortable.


Well, there we had it, my class was going to be watched by about 5 people including Darren who is probably the most intimidating of my superiors. All I could do was carefully inscribe the words of my lesson plan that I had typed up the night before onto the new sheet of paper and wrestle with my nerves, tweaking the PowerPoint I had so lazily thrown together over the weekend.

As I approached my classroom I saw a number of teachers outside my door. Inside there were more. Much more. It seemed like every English teacher in the University had come along for the show. Class 3 has 49 students in it and they normally fill up a room, add to their number 16 odd teachers and my class was beginning to look like the 18 local bus during rush hour, bursting at the window-panes.

Stephen! Daria came up to me and whispered. Daria is one of my star students and an extremely good English speaker. Are you OK? There are so many teachers!

I nodded, knowingly, worried and I scanned my desk. The classrooms regularly lack working whiteboard pens, chalk, dusters and other useful amenities whose absence you don’t notice until you desperately need a piece of chalk, a whiteboard pen or a duster. Everything had to go right.

Pens, can you get me some pens for the whiteboard please? I muttered desperately, eyes popping madly no doubt. I need pens!

OK, I get for you! Aimee is working over there! Good old Daria said as he sprinted, full pelt away down a corridor. You can always count on Daria. He runs practically every English club in the place, is the monitor for his class, has many meetings in a week and still finds time to eat in the evening.

As I sat down in my teacher’s chair to set up the PowerPoint and CD I met the eyes of some girls in the class. They shared my panic wordlessly. I think, upon reflection that I was very lucky that Class 3 was being inspected, for out of all my classes, I know them best of all. I teach them twice a week, they have a good sense of humour and I can relax in front of them. They are the class most likely to call out greetings in the corridor. They were worried for me, I was worried for me and we all knew it. I began my weekly ritual of wrestling with the sound system and I panicked, sure that the entire lesson would be ruined because of a technology snaphoo. My deep soothing breaths must have been loud because Li was kind enough to walk past and whisper, It’s OK Stephen you still have 2 minutes. I did. And boy, were they over in the blink of an eye.

The bell went. I began my lesson ritualistically by standing up, going to the door, checking outside for any stray students, closing the door and saying Good afternoon class.
Good afternoon they replied in unison.
Good afternoon teachers. I said and there was a far less enthusiastic scattered murmur in response.
I think the students are winning. I joked awkwardly, to a deafening wall of silence. With that my lesson began.


It wasn’t an especially exciting lesson. I played the CD, I explained the activities, I checked answers and I showed my slide show. As I taught I tried to focus on the students but my eyes kept drifting over to powerful members of the faculty who looked, to me, to be incredibly bored. If I'm boring them, I must be boring the students too. I do a weekly activity using pictures to show vocabulary words. As I did it though, a couple of the students looked a little amused. The words are too easy, this is a waste of time. I’m wasting the teachers’ time, I’m wasting the students’ time, I’m taking this all too slowly.

We were reading maps in that lesson and listening to directions so I had prepared a prop to help demonstrate left and right turns on a projection of a map from the textbook. It was just a pencil which pointed in the direction of “forward” and had its left and right sides marked on paper stuck to its sides with L and R. The pencil would follow the route on the board as I described the directions. It’s silly but it’s fun and it gives the students something to look at while they listen. I’m all about audio visual teaching. I like to draw on the board and write down tough words and act out unfamiliar phrases. The pen was the one thing I was sure would reflect well upon my teaching.



The bell for break rang and I was relieved to see the teachers standing up. I guessed that they were leaving which was great, I wouldn’t have to be on my best behaviour in the second half of the lesson. I could joke with the students and let loose with my drawings and charades! We could have some fun. One of the teachers – I don’t actually know his name but I think that we have been to a banquet together – invited me to join him downstairs. We, with a couple of others went down to the Dean’s office. I was going to have a group feedback session attended by all of the teachers, Darren and his superior included, but I had to wait for everyone to join us. I was sure I had done something wrong, the lesson had been too dry, I wasn’t giving enough homework and these thoughts clashed about in my head as the other teachers trickled in.

We sat in a circle, everyone gave their feedback and it was good! I won’t bore you with the words of a score of people but I will summarise them. A number of the teachers said how great it was to have someone with such a clear British accent. They loved my accent. I was very patient and so well prepared. They liked my direction pencil. A number of them said that they had been inspired by my game of showing pictures and asking the students to identify the vocabulary words that they saw. Apparently listening teachers just write on a board most of the time but they thought my way was much better. It wasn’t all positive but the constructive feedback was very helpful. Stone thought that I covered too much and should expand upon each activity. Li thought I should introduce the class to key phrases to listen out for before jumping into listening for them. Darren thought I was really professional but that I should invent more activities that weren’t from the book. He also mentioned that while I had been waiting for him he had been talking to my students and that they could not only understand me but really liked me. His superior, Young Sir gave some of the best feedback of all. He said he was grateful to have sat in on such an excellent class. That I not only introduced the listening clearly but that I gave the class a good chance to understand it during the listening and followed it up with a lot of explanation that would give them the time to digest the answers. In spite of this though, and here’s the kicker, I should have more fun with them. Teachers and students can be friends and the students would benefit from a less official, relaxed atmosphere. Crumbs.

Overall, I couldn’t have hoped for better feedback, not bad for a teacher with a week’s online training. They even mentioned that they hoped to extend my contract and that I could sit in on one of Callum, Aimeéée or Sam’s classes next time. The power… the power is going to my head.

I was thrilled when I got back to class. I skipped forward in the book to a fill-in-the-blanks activity that allowed me to act, draw, joke and have fun to my heart’s content. The students showed that they like me too, because I had dinner with Daria the other boy in the class Ares. I went to the students’ cafeteria, one that is outside and next to a scenic pool. We spoke about the French language, Marvel movies (in China they call Captain America, Kiwi Boss) and they told me who had a crush on a girl in the class. I had Chow Mein. And it was good.

Saturday, 5 November 2016

The Award



The Introduction

I've been nominated for this award! By my Mum! This is a true measurement of my accomplishments as a person and therefore this post will be illustrated by pictures of me looking intelligent/virtuous/clever/wise/contributor to society. You are welcome. Tip your waitresses.

The Libester is a lovely idea. It is such a good way to share coverage of your hard writing work and a nice way for readers to find unexpected new subjects and writers to enjoy. For example, my nomination for the award (which I hereby accept with much gratitude through the completion of this very post) came from a very similar blog by a very similar Higham. My mother moved to Boston and in her Blog moraginboston (a far more concise, appropriate and less frivolous name than whatever nonsense I came up with) also concerns her experiences living for the first time on a new continent. It was, however nominated by the writer of a blog about being a young mother experiencing the joys of parenthood and my blog will lead onto a film fanatic’s life’s work, so the opportunity to discover some new and unexpected subjects and viewpoints through the Libester is at least noteworthy.

My own blog WesterthanWest or West of the West or What I Did in my Gap Yah by Stephen Higham Aged 22 was started because of immense guilt. After a month in China, I began to feel pressures to record some of my experiences when I read the excellent work of my far more prolific co-workers (and friends?) Lettice and Aimee. I wanted some sort of record of my time here, perhaps attractively packaged to appeal to potential employers. Aimee and Lettice were doing a great job of documenting individual events that had happened to us, Lettice by day and Aimee by episodes of interest so I didn’t want to just repeat things that they were saying. My blog, the last to start and sparsest in terms of content, would contain more general essays separated into theme or subject matter. It would be released once per month and each post would contain 2000 words so, at the end I would have a novella-length musing on the English-Scotsman in China and the quirks and observations that he found, a bit like Robert Louis Stevenson’s Edinburgh Picturesque Notes but less eloquent and that. And maybe, for that matter not at all like Edinburgh Picturesque Notes as I haven’t read it yet.


What is the Liebster Award?

The Liebster Award 2016 is an award that exists only on the internet, and is given to bloggers by other bloggers. The earliest case of the award goes as far back as 2011. Liebster in German means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.



The Official Rules of the Liebster Award 2016

If you have been nominated for The Liebster Award AND YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT, write a blog post about the Liebster award in which you:

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog. Try to include a little promotion for the person who nominated you. They will thank you for it and those who you nominate will also help you out as well.

2. Display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”. (Note that the best way to do this is to save the image to your own computer and then upload it to your blog post.) Images can be found here

3. For the 2016 Liebster Award write a 150-300 word post about your favourite blog that is not your own. Explain why you like the blog, provide links.

4. Provide 10 random facts about yourself. This year this is optional. If you wish to engage with your readers it’s a great idea to include random facts about you.

6. Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel deserve the award, who have a less than 200 followers. (Note that you can always ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display a widget that lets the readers know this information!) (Behold below where I break this rule. One of my favourite Blogs has been entirely removed from the internet and the other one I read nominated me for this.)

7. List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here or this site) Once you have written and published it, you then have to:

8. Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post or this site.


Thanks for My Nomination

Special thanks to Mum, or "Mummy" to close acquaintances, for this nomination. I remember the inception of your Blog moraginboston. You, elder sister Lucy and I were sitting around the breakfast table* and you said a number of people had mentioned the idea of you starting one but you didn’t know how or what to write. I knew exactly how but the “what to write” came entirely from you.

Do you remember those group emails or letters all of the Mums would send at Christmas and New Years time? You know, the ones that showed their children looking like Mini-Boden models sailing ships and climbing mountains and showing off pearly white teeth. They would have names like “Keeping Up With the Joneses” or “What’s Going On with the Watsons?”; “A Sit-Down with the Silkies” and they contained paragraphs and paragraphs of descriptions of their protégés’ achievements throughout the year.

You took to sending similar letters out with pictures of your children which were probably identical in your eyes but looked very different to us. Stephen with his fat tummy pushing against the buttons of a polyester shirt next to Lucy who had blinked at the moment the photograph was taken and Annie picking her nose standing in front of a Weatherspoon’s. You wrote things like
“We’re all really happy. We go to James Gillespies now and the children are all really happy. Andy’s still working and I’m now teaching at nursery school. Lucy went into second year and likes basketball. Stephen is now in primary seven and sings in lots of choirs and Annie’s wobbly tooth came out.”
At the time I was mortified to think of people reading those words and looking at those pictures but upon reflection and with age I saw that it wasn't about me at all. People love you, your unquenchable optimism and your ability to un-cynically appreciate the events in your life, to over-look the imperfections and celebrate the things that matter to you. This was what people would miss most about you. I knew that an embarrassing family letter was exactly what I would want to read from you when we spent a year apart so I just said, Treat it like a group email. Just write what you would write to any one of your friends but invite them all to read it. And I think your first post was exactly like that, it was exactly what I expected but over the past few months your blog has become something even better.

Your second-to-last post about Fall in America was my favourite. Even though the fundamental format was the same – a series of thoughts about events in recent weeks – the writing was richer and the descriptions captivating. I could smell the leaves and the cold October wind on my face. You mentioned possibly giving up on the blog because you weren’t sure how many people were reading it. I would implore you not to! It is a lovely memento and keepsake in its own right. If your writing keeps developing as it has done then the Blog will be something really special.



My Favourite Blogs

I am not much of a blog-aficionado. I love the idea of blogs, much like I love the idea of going for a run every morning. I feel as though the discipline of recording one’s thoughts and feelings, of reflecting on something in their life in that way can be beneficial in so many ways but I never sit down and think Man, I really want to read about someone else’s views on the newest Modern Art Installation in the MOMA.

With Blogs, the most important thing is that one writes for themselves and so in a way it doesn’t matter what FrankieLovesMovies thinks about Transformers 5 because what is important is MY relationship with Transformers 5. I am just as important an audience member as FrankieLovesMovies so instead of reading her views on the film I would gain so much more by writing down my own! Not to gain fame or fortune or anything but because it is a way for ME to appreciate the sensations and manipulations of Transformers 5. For that reason all of my favourite blogs are by people whose views I do care about because I know them and I like them. Here are three.

TheFilmology is the passion project of one of the most interesting and opinionated people I know, Mariana. It was a great privilege that I was invited to contribute to it over the course of a couple of years in University (one that I squandered through laziness.) Mariana’s work is as idiosyncratic as she is. It conveys strong opinions about Benedict Cumberbatch, Jennifer Lawrence, Star Trek Into Darkness, John Carpenter and the current state of cinema at present but most importantly what always shines through is an upbeat appreciation for the medium that she has dedicated her studies to. Recently Mariana shared her thoughts on 31 Hallowe’en-themed movies with a few paragraphs on each of the films that she viewed as a Halloween movie marathon – one for each day in October. Her descriptions are brief but insightful and fun to read.

AimeeTravelsBlog is a good laugh and contains some horrible pictures of me that you will not find on my Facebook wall. I enjoy reading about her views on our shared adventures and am always amazed at how many facts and details she remembers. It won’t just appeal to people who were there or who know Aimee personally, as it is well written and replicates her thousand-words-a-minute friendliness with uncanny aplomb.

LetticeTravels completes the triumvirate of Duyun teachers’ China Blogs but it is also a treasure-trove of stories of Lettice’s considerable list of achievements. Besides the seven entries into the China section of the Blog which includes day-by-day recordings of our time here, as well as some fantastic photos the blog features recordings of her time in Nigeria, South America and Austria as well as her training for running and swimming – admirable. Lettice also hosts a radio show about volunteering and all 14 episodes to date are archived there.



Ten Random Facts About Me

1. I studied English Literature and Film at Edinburgh Napier University and received a 2.1 for my troubles.

2. For my dissertation, I bit off more than I could chew with an ill-defined look at narrative construction in documentary film. My special skill at university – bullshitting – turned against me at the final hurdle as I bull-shat my way through my dissertation meetings with the talented published author who was my supervisor. I bullshat to the point where I think she truly believed that I knew what I was doing.

3. I have been to five cities in Japan but I can never remember all of their names at once. I can usually remember Tokyo and Hiroshima but if I remember Kyoto and Osaka I normally forget the name of Sendai. Wait… unless it was maybe six cities?

4. I have an unhealthy love of the Tex-Mex food sensation that’s sweeping the nation. I could probably point to all of the outlets that sell burritos in the city of Edinburgh on a map and give you a detailed comparison of the pros and cons of texture, flavour, ingredients and hot-sauce available on the premises.

5. I am currently participating in NaNoWriMo, the National Novel Writing Month which is a website that encourages the discipline of writing 1666 words per day, mostly for the sake of a novel but in this case I’m working on a variety of projects. By the end of the month I hope to have a number of blog-posts completed and hopefully a couple of interconnected short stories.

6. I have had only two proper jobs in my life, this teaching job in China and a short, four-month stint in Greggs the Bakers.

7. I don’t react well to stress, I lose sleep, worry incessantly about tiny details and can make myself physically ill so my time working at Greggs, which was the busiest in the city of Edinburgh and corresponded on my timeline with the writing of my dissertation, a deeply unpleasant disintegration of a friendship group and the impending dread of what to do after graduation, is the time I consider to be the hardest of my life. Not necessarily the worst though.

8. I have been working as an EFL teacher for the past seven weeks but I am almost entirely sure that after this year I will never want to teach again. I may only work part time hours but the stress, and the worrying about whether I am doing a good job, about what to teach next, is full time.

9. Before 2014 I had little interest in politics and couldn't tell my right from my left (wing) until a combination of watching the BBC's The Thick of It and the Scottish Independence Referendum made following the ins-and-outs of Westminster an obsession of mine. I was happier not knowing how the world works.

10. I want to hug Captain America.


*What a comfortable Summer, even if I was fraught with nerves and having emotional breakdowns every couple of days... So uncomfortable, I guess.

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

The Food


I'm Stephen, I’ve come to China with my friend Callum to teach and live abroad for my first year outside of Edinburgh. Here is a record of my thoughts and experiences in a land so far West we call it the East, today… The Food.




I don’t know if it’s my lifestyle, or if it’s China but a very large part of my lifestyle in China is the food. Back home a form of Chinese cuisine has entered into the public’s hearts. It’s the one with the rice that isn’t as spicy, the one that people eat when they want some eastern flair in their diet but can’t take the fiery tongue that follows a vindaloo. Chinese food, or as some call it over here, food () bears little resemblance to the takeaways’ spin on the luminous, syrupy sweet-and-sour sauce covering deep-fried, battery-farmed chicken balls and green peppers. Admittedly, I live in only one tiny town nestled in the sprawling mountains of Guizhou and so my culinary experiences do not speak for all of this magnificent country whose culture, languages and space are more eclectic and vast than the combined nations of Europe but they certainly speak for something. They speak for my entirely biased and narrow view of C. H. I. N. A.

My flatmate and friend-from-home (security blanket) Callum arrived in our flat, put up for us by the university and, after a good evening-and-a-night’s sleep we explored our new digs. Finding, among other things, grubby floors, sticky sideboards and a whole gang of cockroaches crawling over our woks and chopsticks we decided that the best solution to our problems was to ignore them, hope they went away and that we would eat out that night. This was a marvellous decision, the area surrounding our apartment has numerous tiny eateries covered in mysterious Hanzi characters, of which I recognise only the symbols for “language” , “meat” and “ocean” . One of these is helpful.

We had been warned about hygiene in China. Culturally they don’t go in for hand soap after defecation, stringent health and safety regulations or sell-by-dates. On the sell-by-dates front, I think we should give them a pass. The relatively small area is home to around a seventh of the total population of the world and feeding them all is a monumental-nigh-impossible task. The result of this conundrum is a number of unusual cuisines that certainly haven’t made the journey along the Silk Road to the plastic containers of the Chinese next to Murieston Crescent in Dalry. One such shock dining experience occurred hours after landing in Beijing.

Picture Callum and myself, exhausted after the sleepless flight from hell landing in Beijing surrounded by unfamiliar tongues and inscriptions, our link-flight was cancelled, our phones were unable to connect to strange wi-fi to alert the university to the fact that we had no idea when we would finally get in to Guiyang, our stomachs were rumbling. After an hour long queue with the passengers of three other cancelled flights we got our tickets and were told we had an eight hour wait. We didn’t know whether we needed to gorge ourselves or slip off into blissful unconsciousness more. Eventually we lumbered, zombielike, towards the only restaurant that we could see.

Luckily there were pictures. I remembered my time in Japan and the blissful experience of picking anything off the menu and having something delicious placed in front of me.  I selected on the menu a picture of some noodle soup with a mysterious meat in it and something deep-fried. I could use some comforting and that deep fried something was exactly the comfort I needed. We sat down at a table, gazing off into our own middle-distances like toddlers after a long plane-journey spent energetically kicking a nice man’s chair or, more accurately, like the man who had only slept for two hours in the past day and a half due to said kicking child’s Olympian reserves of energy. With dazed surprise the food was placed in front of us, and my deep fried something looked intriguing close-up. It was long and thin with three nobly prongs sticking out the end of it. It was covered in a sauce with red chillies and just smelling its spice made my eyes water. I took chopsticks in hand and transferred on to my mouth, biting off a prong. The spice caught in my throat and I began hiccupping. The more I chewed the more I came to recognise the lumpy texture of gristle and tendon and bone. I have avoid chicken feet and all delicacies enigmatically concealed by batter ever since.

Our culinary experiences have thankfully improved. The restaurants in our local area (and this applies to the convenience stores as well) resemble garages containing plastic stools and tables. Walking down a street can be like passing by a city full of exceptionally unabashed citizen’s living rooms for shop owners spend most of their lives sitting there, waiting. If they want to do the ironing or watch the latest “America Captain” movie they will, rising only to begrudgingly serve a customer. One restaurant situated about five minutes away from our flat is owned by a lovely couple who always greet us happily when we go in. Their staple dishes consist of a simple combination of rice and meat. The rice is cooked on a hob in the serving bowl until it becomes crispy on the bottom and succulent on top. On top of this is placed your choice of tender meat or tofu and you may soy sauce or chili sauce to taste. The portions are perfectly judged in China and very filling, I can finish off a bowl of this tantalising dish and be comfortable enough to have only two small dumplings the following day to keep me going until dinner. What we didn’t realise was that the portions are not meant to be perfect, they’re meant to be too much. When Callum and I finish our bowls of rice the chef likes to bring out more, smaller bowls of side dishes and extra rice, free of charge. The best of these is cubes of aubergine cooked in oil with minced pork. I try now, whilst dining there to leave a little food on the side just to make sure we’re not exploiting their hospitality.


In addition to paying a decent salary and providing us with wi-fi, water, electricity and housing the university also gives us 150 RMB per month to spend in the cafeterias on campus. For 10 RMB we can access the staff buffet. We are given a tray upon which we pile rice and our selection of the contents of a row of great silver platters. These platters contain mainly chunks of vegetables and seasoned meat cooked in oil and sauces that vary in flavour from tasty to delicious. As with the Chinese food back at home the dishes mostly follow the rule of being “stuff with bits in” but the ingredients are locally sourced and rely far less on cornflower and syrup. One such local ingredient that we have all come to avoid is a thin, white root whose name doesn’t translate into English. It is used both as a main ingredient and, when chopped up, as seasoning, much in the manner that we might use salt or pepper at home. My tray is usually crammed full by the time I get half way through the buffet. I am forced to wander past tantalising dish after tantalising dish as I go to get my water, regret twinging at the sight of each one.

The locals harbour a consistent set of views about us in relation to their food. It comes as a shock to many of them that we are fully proficient in the use of chopsticks and, actually prefer them in many cases to the knife and fork. Many a restaurant owner has placed a spoon in my bowl of food whilst staring as I pinch a dumpling between the sticks and transfer it from the steaming broth into my mouth. They also, kindly, try to make us avoid the red hot chilli paste that they use to garnish many dishes although it isn’t much hotter than a slightly tangy Nandos.

Callum and Chopsticks

The first week that we spent here was filled with crash courses in traditional Chinese dining. We were stuffed, fit-to-bursting by our gracious hosts at two banquets and a barbecue. As part of a ceremonial greeting we were taken to a restaurant on our second night by the Dean and senior staff of the Foreign Languages Department for a feast presented on a lazy Susan. We each were given a deceptively tiny china pot full of rice. As the dishes were shared around the table we took some of this, and a little of that with our chopsticks (double dipping is not an issue in China, let’s hope we don’t get the flu) and we ate until we were comfortably full. The night was only just beginning. Dish after tempting dish was brought out and shared while baijiu (a sickly Chinese liqueur of 50% alcohol) ran like a waterfall.

The host (here the most senior figure, the Dean) poured tiny little shot-goblets of the stuff and passed them out to each of us. He drank a toast and we all drank. He made another toast, and we all drank again. Then he began the unenviable task of addressing us each individually – “Stephen, in your interview you were very professional. You are always smiling! I hope that we can share our different culture.” We both drank, “Callum, you are…” – And so on. After three shots the stomach began to gurgle, after five it began to churn. The smell that emanates from the drink is strong and brings together for the first time the disparate odours of aniseed and petroleum. Callum, who was experiencing some degree of culture-shock at this slightly passive-aggressive form of hospitality (it’s insulting not to drink and those who drink the most are considered quite prestigious) had to take a walk outside. I followed and shared his company as we gazed out over the river at the lit skyline of our new home. Walking back into that room was like being hit in the face by a solid wall of heat and sickly-sweet stench.




If we felt a little sick after that initial episode of well-intentioned celebration at such a distinguished restaurant, it’s nothing to how we would feel if we were less than scrupulous in our selection of dining outlet. The garage-restaurants, although cheap are as hygienic as one can hope for in this part of the world. The same cannot be said for street vendors. The head of our department, Stone sat us down during our first week and warned us about street vendors. “Always use the supermarkets to buy food. On the streets, you do not know where this food has come from. You do not know if this food is harmful to you.” This is a real shame as many side-streets are lined with cooks frying chicken, preparing chips or noodles and turning tofu over on grills. The smells that combine in the air are mouth-watering.

Even lower on the culinary pecking-order, though are the women and men who carry around massive baskets of fruit and vegetables and sell them, separated from the pavement by nothing more than thin, white cloths. The streets of China are notoriously filthy. Although regularly swept and sprayed down these are but token gestures that do little to sanitise against the endless deluge of filth. Babies and toddlers do not wear nappies in China, they instead wear baby-grows with holes at the bottom so they can defecate whenever they feel the need. The soundscape of Duyun is ever peppered with blaring car-horns and the hawking of the people before they spit on the ground. Filthy street-dogs trail around, spreading the filth in their fur and the air is filled with dust due to the construction of this developing city. It is onto these very streets that the vendors place their thin white blankets that clearly do very little to protect their fruit and vegetables from disease.


Although the words “Chinese” and “takeaway” are no doubt strictly banned on each other’s Taboo cards the British experience of Chinese cuisine is a far cry from the experiences I’ve had here. It is interesting to have a dining experience that has evolved so far from the Western idea of a good meal. Coffee and dairy and pizza are rare and very expensive whilst chopped roots, tofu and all parts of a chicken are available in abundance. I could do with a sweet-and-sour chicken-balls right about now though…